Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.

Definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.

Every Time A Bell Rings, An Angel...

* Spit-polishes his halo
* Buys a maxi-pad with wings
* Drops out of a so-called "Choir of Angels" because that's really just a place for a bunch of diva show-offs to shine sunbeams up God's butt
* Orders a plate of "Hades Hot" Buffalo wings
* Drinks a little too much of Junior's blood and falls off a cloud
* Listens to Paul McCartney sing with his band "Wings"
* Takes a heavenly crap

There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted a drink she would raise her hand. She had very bad armpit hair.
The Bartender was getting really grossed out and told the man sitting at the bar that next time she did that he was not going to give her a drink.

One minute later she said, ''Bartender, Bartender, get me another drink.''

The bartender said no. The man sitting there said, ''Oh give the poor ballerina another drink.''

The bartender said, ''How do you know she is a ballerina?''

The man replied, ''Well anyone that can lift there leg that high must be a ballerina!''

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
All you can eat for under a buck.

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

:P

Lol the last one is funny! :thumbsup: